God Provides

For the last several years all I wanted, hoped for, and dreamed about was quitting my day job and doing full time photography. I prayed about it constantly. All of my petitions to God were for Him to grant me this one thing that I wanted. In January of this year I did quit my day job. I am now a full time photographer. 

I am free. I'm free to set my own hours, my own prices, my own clients. I am free to wake up when I want and never change out of yoga pants all day. I am the boss. I own a business. I am woman, hear me roar. 

Perfect, right? What I've discovered in these first few months since quitting my day job is that it's not that simple. Small business ownership, more than anything else I hoped it would be, has been a challenge of my faith. These last few months have been a huge challenge of my faith and my trust in God to provide. I have no idea where my next paycheck is coming from - or if there will even be one. I can be the best photographer I know how to be and offer my clients my absolute best in every area of my business. That doesn't guarantee that anyone will book me this month, or the next, or ever. There is no guarantee that I'll book enough jobs to keep my family financially secure. It is honestly VERY scary. 

I like to be in control. I like plans. I like security. Scratch that, I LOVE security. I hate stepping out on the water and just believing that I won't sink. I want a life vest. And then a back up life vest. And actually, I'm scared of the ocean so I want to just be back in the boat thanks very much. Unfortunately, (for me at least) small business ownership is stepping out on the water and just having full faith, regardless of the any evidence to the contrary, that you won't drown and die.

The last few months have been a faith test, while the last few weeks have been a faith confirmation. I was in a bad place, a scary place. Actually, every single month from here on out is going to be a scary place. I reached out to some people closest to me to ask them to pray for God to provide. I spent time on my knees begging for God to provide. 

And then He did.

I'm going to have to remind myself constantly that God provides. Every new month where I'm not sure what's going to happen I'll tell myself this.

I asked God to provide, and then He did.